He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My vagina just clenched in fear
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
