Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
