is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
