i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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