SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
