If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize