No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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