you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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