My balls are so social today.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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