shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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