As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
