Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
