would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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