I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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