i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
