What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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