hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
