im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
