The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
