Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
