Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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