Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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