never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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