3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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