wanna go halves on a baby?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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