You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
