I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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