Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
