That's intense
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
