her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
