Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
