; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
