hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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