You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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