I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
