you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
even my farts smell like vagina
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
