Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
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I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
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"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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