he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize