I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
