I didn't shave. On purpose
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
