Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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