Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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