I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
