So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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