where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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