Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
