i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
