My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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