I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
