I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
