And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
