When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
