I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize