At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I need moral support for this bender
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Randomize
