I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
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Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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