That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
