how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
the liver wants what the liver wants
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
