My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
