Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
