I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
