she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
