On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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