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dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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