Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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