Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize