I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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