someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
