My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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