Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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