there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
