Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
