In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
