why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize