My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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