all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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