i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
