My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
