Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
