it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize