It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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